Well, it’s that time of the year again. It’s time to lie to my residents about the quality of their drinking water. Technically, we are all telling the truth. We are just leaving out a lot of truth we would rather not tell the public. I am writing about my annual Drinking Water Quality Report (aka the Consumer Confidence Report).

What kind of truth?

First, we will leave out that fact that water is contaminated easiest because the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) and the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality (TCEQ) exist. Without centralized bureaucracies like the EPA and the TCEQ, getting contaminants into our water system would be so astronomically high in costs as to make it almost impossible to accomplish. Instead, we need only apply for a few permits and people downstream of us are powerless to stop our dumping. Without the EPA and the TCEQ contaminant dumpers would need permission from each owner downstream. Every single owner would have to sign off on the dumping. If even open of them said no, no dumping would take place. That’s the way to protect the environment!

Second, we’ll leave out the identity of the world’s largest polluter. We’ll leave out the identity of the polluter which neither the EPA nor the TCEQ stop. The one who pollutes more than all private polluters in the U.S combined. Who is it? The United States government. The Department of Defense, alone, is constantly in front of Congress asking to be released from so pollution law or another. They have, for example, upset more wildlife habitats than all the timber companies combined. But we’ll that out.

Third, we won’t tell the public that the tests which provide the data involved is only for the quality of water at the time of the test. In fact, that very same day water could become contaminated and remain that way for some time. The best thing any residential water customer can do is to add a whole house filter to their home. By adding water filters at the point of water entry into your home you control water quality and not some bureaucracy in Austin or Washington who has never even met you.

No. We will just hand the consumer a bogus report to boost their confidence and since it’s the law, I will go along with it all too.